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it's been a while since the last time i've sat to reflect on what has been happening. lotsa things went and passed and i honestly cant even remember half of them. the qual, the summer, busy lab work and occasional trip here and there, home for a month, and then the whole fall, new place, and now winter... phew, just thinking about it makes me dizzy...

the qual is done. thread the needle on that one. dont know if i would have made it through have they made me take it again. thank you fowler, you bastard. i do miss you. and no, all the resolutions i had in plan for life post-qual never came through. didnt start playing the guitar more like i planned, did't read any good books, didn't even work out much... instead, got in the stupid circle of sleep late, go out of work late, stay up late being a complete couch potatoe. blah. dont remember many good things from the summer besides the pburg trip and a bit of va beach. ok, and the repeating dc trips. its always good to talk to gechi and danielle. why didn't i spend more time with them in hammy? work wise, the lab work didnt bring any serious results, besides 6 summer research credits, which is kinda nice i guess... combined with the crappy living situation, now that I look at it, a pretty sad summer here.

going home was, as always, pretty nice. just to be in that atmosphere for a while pumps me up on few different levels... i am happy to see the elders, family, friends but it also gives me energy to be anxious to come back here. there is no near future for me there. i cannot be satisfied living in my parents' place again, regardless of my love towards them. any other option of living by myself there is just foolish and uneconomical. i hate how sometimes i only think of practical stuff... i feel i'll be a great family man.

oh and seeing grant in philly was awesome. that guy is in the same puddle of shit as i am, maybe even worse. i would not wanna have his schedule every day, and all those exams and such. but his cat is fun. and seeing katy was cool also. I feel like i've known her for a long long time. weird.

the letdown of coming back was well... ridiculous. besides the whole x factor mumbo jumbo what the heck happened dealiyo, i honestly felt that i would have a different set of people surrounding me at this point in life. i guess when i think about it, it took me a while to really straighten out who's who both in hs and in hammy and ditto. so i guess all is not lost yet :) i do keep meeting new good people every now and then... eric, yoon , richard, maybe roth... i guess, just give it time and it'll settle down...

overall, well, don't know. this looks good.

europa

talked to my friend back in hammy today... the kid's lucky that he can go around west europe without a need for a visa since his country has joined EU... bastards, i say! :) which made me think... been here for so long, been doing stuff, never made it outside of few places in the US... i want to see some of them tho, go for a ride and dissappear for some time.

and europa... well, let's just say that i want to go places and live stories my dad told me about southern coast of france. i want to ski in the alps, or at least sit in the warm wooden houses and drink hot chocolate by the fireplace. i want to walk around until i find that place in paris where my dad took a picture of himself 30 yrs ago. and then, wearing the same jacket that he did, smiling the same way he does even now, take a picture of myself and give him that picture for his bday. i want to spend a summer living in a tent, car or a trailer, whatever is available, eat whatever comes my way and go to a different beach every day. i want to spend a week in one special cafe in the balearic islands... now that i think, i want lots of things i havent done yet...

i guess thats good in a way. and i know exactly which ppl are coming along the ride also :) off to start tanking on tanning lotion!

anne frank

“...despite everything, i still believe people are good at heart,” wrote anne frank long time ago. i have always felt that she was right. call me stupid, call me naive, but i will hardly change, even after years of the world proving me wrong before my eyes. once, it seemed to me like whatever happens, i'd be the one who'd always stay good at heart...

so i got this friend who is one of the most irresponsible kids i've ever met. good kid, just one of those that would accidentally flush the diamond ring down the drain 15 mins before having to be your best man... he's been having a bad streak recently, barely making some meetings and such, and it was a matter od time he'd miss one. so yesterday, he calls the office and asks for a back-up 15 mins before his section began. couple of kids blew him off in the worst possible way, without even wanting to talk to him... one of them literally looked at his phone and when he saw the caller ID just said "oh, i don't wanna talk to him, he probably needs a favor from me"... the other one just said "no can't do" and walked away... at the moment, i just said to myself "jeez, how typical... spoiled american kids..." something like this would never happen back home...

and then today, when he turned to me to cover last 30 mins of his section, i decided to disregard his IM and go home for a well deserved lunch after 3 hrs of classes... didn't even think twice... how typical american, right?... i actually felt bad about it... but that was only after i had the lunch... meh, i've been around here for too long :-\.

here's to being a better person at heart.